Palm Sunday with the reading of the Passion narrative can sometimes take on kind of a dour tone so I thought a Jesus joke might lighten the mood a little. It also happens to be one of my favorite golf jokes as well, and it’s clean. So one day Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf. They spin the tee and Moses is first to hit. It’s a rather difficult hole as it is made up of a thin shoot of land surrounded on both sides by lakes. Now Moses, of course, has always struggled with a slice, and this time is no different. He rears back and pounds one straight down the middle, but it starts leaking right and tails off into the lake bordering the right side of the fairway. “No problem,” he says, “I’ll just part the water and I should have a clear shot to the green from there.”
Jesus is up next, and as perfect God and perfect man, he plays the low hook for maximum roll. A true traditionalist, he still plays forged blades, no cavity backs for this guy. There is a slight breeze, so he decides to go with a one iron but catches it a little off the toe (apparently not even God can hit a one iron). The ball starts off left of center, but after bouncing twice it skips into the water about ten feet from the left side of the fairway. “No problem,” He says, “I can just walk out there and it shouldn’t be too hard of a shot to the green from there.”
Now it’s the old man’s turn, and he sort of hobbles up to the tee box with a wooden club that looks like it has been around from the foundation of the world. After watching his playing partners both go in the water after having aimed at the center of the fairway, he decides to go with a different strategy. He points straight left aiming for the spot where Christ’s ball had just come to rest. Jesus and Moses both snicker a little as the old man waggles his club head a few times. He then sort of chops at the ball with a quick chaotic movement and all watch as the ball heads straight for the water.
Just as it’s about to splash down a big-mouth bass leaps out of the water and swallows the ball, leaving everyone wide eyed. As if that’s not enough, as the bass descends with its prize a bald eagle swoops down, talons bared, and grabs the bass for a satisfying meal. With a few flaps of its wings it rises up again and makes a beeline for its nest at the far end of the hole. All of a sudden there is a flash of lightening and the sound of thunder, and a few feathers and some smoke are all that’s left of Mr. Baldy. The bass falls out of the sky, and with a hollow thud lands next to the green. The ball pops out of its mouth, trickles down the hill and stops at the edge of the hole. It teeters for a moment before a slight gust of wind tips it into the hole. Jesus turns to the old man and says, “See Dad, that’s why no one wants to play with you.”
Prayers always, Fr. Joseph Altenhofen